The Parenthetical Relationship

An Architecture of Inclusion

Those classic representations of male and female- the chalice (“V”) and the male blade (“^”) are incompatible as presented! Ever notice that? Try to bring them together and they collide, oppose. They do not stack in a pleasing manner. The male doesn’t enter the negative space of the female- they butt heads! For the purposes of our discussion let’s turn this relationship ninety degrees and look at them like this instead: ><. I ask that you resist seeing squinting eyes.

Was this a warning from the ancients you think? This interpretation of chalice and blade is primarily observed in Holy Grail circles, Wicca and the like. But if they’re right then they may have been attempting to inform us of fundamental differences since ancient times. Not necessarily insurmountable, but inherent mismatches of general nature. This isn’t a secret: men are classically rough, tough, and strong while women are soft, nurturing and family-oriented. These seemingly disagreeable traits have been the recipe for the success of a dominant species.

The mismatch is staggering at points however, and lasts throughout our lifetimes. Studies have shown that at retirement age men tend to become more needy, looking for increased attention from their spouse at the same time women naturally get the urge to seek independence and space. Nature is such a rascal!

There’s the recognized concepts of demand-withdraw patterns, fight-or-flight vs tend-and-befriend, the fact that men trend toward riskier behaviors etc.: we’re different ok?

Yin and Yang, opposed but in harmony. This would describe the best of moments. It describes the union done right. Aristotle saw the sexes as active vs receptive forces in nature. That “vs”. It is inevitable, but only part of the story. When we take our symbols > and < and turn them around we get < and >. Massage that a little and it becomes (and)- parentheses. Parentheses oppose, yes, but that opposition is the key to their compatibility. Their confrontational architecture becomes beneficial. Used incorrectly they have no value, or worse, become exclusive.

Parentheses can touch but never in intolerable amounts. They are designed to be used together, to contain whatever the mind can conceive. This is what a successful relationship looks like. Tradition tried to keep us on the right track I think. We knew better.

There is a song I know that has to be a part of this. It’s literally called “Parentheses” and it’s by The Blow.

Lyrics:

Some philosophies fuel the belief in the self
Constructed to keep one’s goods on one’s own shelf
Built well, you’re a strong letter “I”
With your feet on the ground and your head to the sky
Now and then you can bend
It’s okay to lean over, lean over my way
You fear that you can’t do it all
And you’re right
Even day takes relief every day
from its work making light from the night

And when you’re holding me
We make a pair of parentheses
There’s plenty space to encase
Whatever weird way my mind goes
I know I’ll be safe in these arms

When you’re holding me
We make a pair of parentheses
There’s plenty space to encase
Whatever weird way my mind goes
I know I’ll be safe in these arms

If something in the deli aisle makes you cry
Of course I’ll put my arm around you
And I’ll walk you outside
Through the sliding doors
Why would I mind?

If something in the deli aisle makes you cry
Of course I’ll put my arm around you
And I’ll walk you outside
Through the sliding doors
Why would I mind?

You’re not a baby if you feel the world
All of the babies they can feel the world
That’s why they cry

And when you’re holding me
We make a pair of parentheses
There’s plenty space to encase
Whatever weird way my mind goes
I know I’ll be safe in these arms

When you’re holding me
We make a pair of parentheses
There’s plenty space to encase
Whatever weird way my mind goes
I know I’ll be safe in these arms

If something in the deli aisle makes you cry
Of course I’ll put my arm around you
And I’ll walk you outside
Through the sliding doors
Why would I mind?

All of the babies they can feel the world
That’s why they cry

And when you’re holding me
We make a pair of parentheses
There’s plenty space to encase
Whatever weird way my mind goes
I know I’ll be safe in these arms

When you’re holding me
We make a pair of parentheses
There’s plenty space to encase
Whatever weird way my mind goes
I know I’ll be safe in these arms

Jonathan Warren Bechtolt, Mikhaela Y Maricich (2006)